Why Does He Do That – Lundy Bancroft

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In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft–a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men–uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship. 

He says he loves you. So…why does he do that?

You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men–and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about:

– The early warning signs of abuse
– The nature of abusive thinking
– Myths about abusers
– Ten abusive personality types
– The role of drugs and alcohol
– What you can fix, and what you can’t
– And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely

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 EXCERPT

The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to selfishness. Verbal explosions when he is irritated or when he doesn’t get his way. Her grievances constantly turned around on her, so that everything is her own fault. His growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does. And, in many relationships, a mounting sense of fear or intimidation. But the woman also sees that her partner is a human being who can be caring and affectionate at times, and she loves him. She wants to figure out why he gets so upset, so that she can help him break his pattern of ups and downs. She gets drawn into the complexities of his inner world, trying to uncover clues, moving pieces around in an attempt to solve an elaborate puzzle.
The abuser’s mood changes are especially perplexing. He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to hour. At times he is aggressive and intimidating, his tone harsh, insults spewing from his mouth, ridicule dripping from him like oil from a drum. When he’s in this mode, nothing she says seems to have any impact on him, except to make him even angrier. Her side of the argument counts for nothing in his eyes, and everything is her fault. He twists her words around so that she always ends up on the defensive. As so many partners of my clients have said to me, “I just can’t seem to do anything right.”

 

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Female Chauvinist Pigs – Ariel Levy

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Meet the Female Chauvinist Pig – the new brand of “empowered woman” who embraces “raunch culture” wherever she finds it. In her groundbreaking book, New York magazine writer Ariel Levy argues that, if male chauvinist pigs of years past thought of women as pieces of meat, Female Chauvinist Pigs of today are doing them one better, making sex objects of other women – and of themselves. Irresistibly witty and wickedly intelligent, Female Chauvinist Pigs makes the case that the rise of raunch does not represent how far women have come; it only proves how far they have left to go.

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 EXCERPT

When I asked female viewers and readers what they got out of raunch culture, I heard similar things about empowering miniskirts and feminist strippers, and so on, but I also heard something else. They wanted to be “one of the guys”; they hoped to be experienced “like a man.” Going to strip clubs or talking about porn stars was a way of showing themselves and the men around them that they weren’t “prissy little women” or “girly-girls.” Besides, they told me, it was all in fun, all tongue-in-cheek, and for me to regard this bacchanal as problematic would be old-school and uncool.

I tried to get with the program, but I could never make the argument add up in my head. How is resurrecting every stereotype of female sexuality that feminism endeavored to banish good for women? Why is laboring to look like Pamela Anderson empowering? And how is imitating a stripper or a porn star—a woman whose job is to imitate arousal in the first place—going to render us sexually liberated?

 

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The Fact of a Doorframe – Adrienne Rich

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‘Rich’s writing has always lifted her naturally toward a unifying transcendental vision, a dream, but a dream simultaneously wrenched and weighted by its moral embodiment, called by her at different stages: love, truth, integrity, commonality, silence. She is a true metaphysical poet…(At times) her dialectical fire produces poems of transcendent beauty.’-Carol Muske, New York Times Book Review

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 EXCERPT

A Woman Dead in Her Forties

1.
Your breasts/ sliced-off The scars
dimmed as they would have to be
years later
All the women I grew up with are sitting
half-naked on rocks in sun
we look at each other and
are not ashamed
and you too have taken off your blouse
but this was not what you wanted:
to show your scarred, deleted torso
I barely glance at you
as if my look could scald you
though I’m the one who loved you
I want to touch my fingers
to where your breasts had been
but we never did such things
You hadn’t thought everyone
would look so perfect
unmutilated
you pull on
your blouse again: stern statement:

There are things I will not share
with everyone

 

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Encyclopedia of Gay and Lesbian Popular Culture – Luca Prono

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During the 20th century through today, gay and lesbian artists, writers, political activists, and sports figures contributed their talents to all areas of popular culture. Authors such as E. Lynn Harris and Patricia Highsmith write bestselling novels. Rupert Everett follows in the footsteps of Rock Hudson and others who starred in multimillion dollar films. George Michael and k.d.lang have been the creative forces behind dozens of hit songs, and the TV programs of Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O’Donnell, and the cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy are enjoyed in gay and straight households alike. The Encyclopedia of Gay and Lesbian Popular Culture identifies the people, films, TV shows, literature, and sports figures that have made significant contributions to both gay and lesbian popular culture, and American popular culture.

 

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Emerging Lesbian Voices from Japan – Sharon Chalmers

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Lesbian Sexuality has remained largely ignored in Japan despite increasing exposure of disadvantaged minority groups, including gay men. This book is the first comprehensive academic exploration of contemporary lesbian sexuality in Japanese society. The author employs an interdisciplinary approach and this book will be of great value to those working or interested in the areas of Japanese, lesbian and gender studies as well as Japanese history, anthropology and cultural studies.

 

 

 

 

 

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In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development – Carol Gilligan

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This book started a revolution. Published decades ago, it made women’s voices heard, in their own right, with their own integrity, for virtually the 1st time in social scientific theorizing about women. Its impact was immediate & continues in the academic world & beyond. Translated into 16 languages, with over 750,000 copies sold. In a Different Voice has inspired new research, new educational initiatives & political debate–& helped many women & men to see themselves & each other in a different light. Gilligan believes that psychology has persistently & systematically misunderstood women: their motives, their moral commitments, the course of their psychological growth & their special view of what is important in life. Here she sets out to correct psychology’s misperceptions & refocus its view of female personality. The result is a tour de force, which may reshape much of what psychology now has to say about female experience.

 

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The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for Feminist Revolution by Shulamith Firestone

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“No one can understand how feminism has evolved without reading this radical, inflammatory second-wave landmark.” Naomi Wolf

Originally published in 1970, when Shulamith Firestone was just twenty-five years old, and going on to become a bestseller, The Dialectic of Sex was the first book of the women’s liberation movement to put forth a feminist theory of politics.

Beginning with a look at the radical and grassroots history of the first wave (with its foundation in the abolition movement of the time), Firestone documents its major victory, the granting of the vote to women in 1920, and the fifty years of ridicule that followed. She goes on to deftly synthesize the work of Freud, Marx, de Beauvoir, and Engels to create a cogent argument for feminist revolution. Identifying women as a caste, she declares that they must seize the means of reproduction for as long as women (and only women) are required to bear and rear children, they will be singled out as inferior. Ultimately she presents feminism as the key radical ideology, the missing link between Marx and Freud, uniting their visions of the political and the personal.

In the wake of recent headlines bemoaning women’s squandered fertility and the ongoing debate over the appropriate role of genetics in the future of humanity, The Dialectic of Sex is revealed as remarkably relevant to today’s society, a testament to Shulamith Firestone’s startlingly prescient vision.

 

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Delusions of Gender – Cordelia Fine

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It’s the twenty-first century, and although we tried to rear unisex children–boys who play with dolls and girls who like trucks–we failed. Even though the glass ceiling is cracked, most women stay comfortably beneath it, and everywhere we hear about vitally important “hardwired” differences between male and female brains. The neuroscience we read about in magazines, newspaper articles, books, and sometimes even scientific journals increasingly tells a tale of two brains, and the result is more often than not a validation of the status quo. Women, it seems, are just too intuitive for math, men too focused for housework.

Drawing on the latest research in neuroscience and psychology, Cordelia Fine debunks the myth of hardwired differences between men’s and women’s brains, unraveling the evidence behind such claims as men’s brains aren’t wired for empathy, and women’s brains aren’t made to fix cars. She then goes one step further, offering a very different explanation of the dissimilarities between men’s and women’s behavior. Instead of a “male brain” and a “female brain,” Fine gives us a glimpse of plastic, mutable minds that are continuously influenced by cultural assumptions about gender.

Delusions of Gender provides us with a much-needed corrective to the belief that men’s and women’s brains are intrinsically different–a belief that, as Fine shows with insight and humor–all too often works to the detriment of ourselves and our society.

 

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